


I Think, Therefore I Am

by FREE_FREEMAN



Category: Half-Life VR but the AI is Self-Aware - Fandom
Genre: Canon - Video Game, Gen, Half-Life VR But the AI is Self-Aware, How Do I Tag, One Shot, Post-Canon, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:22:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26311099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FREE_FREEMAN/pseuds/FREE_FREEMAN
Summary: fandom "let tommy be self-aware" challenge gdhghdksjkhgsdI REALLY LIKE THE IDEA OF TOMMY BEING THE FIRST TO KNOW THAT THEY'RE ALL JUST IN A GAME AND I'M SAD BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I SEE NONE OF THAT :( so i decided to make some content for that myself >:)i infodump a bit in the end notes so you can read that if you want gshg
Relationships: Tommy Coolatta & Gordon Freeman
Comments: 13
Kudos: 48





	I Think, Therefore I Am

**Author's Note:**

> fandom "let tommy be self-aware" challenge gdhghdksjkhgsd  
> I REALLY LIKE THE IDEA OF TOMMY BEING THE FIRST TO KNOW THAT THEY'RE ALL JUST IN A GAME AND I'M SAD BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I SEE NONE OF THAT :( so i decided to make some content for that myself >:)  
> i infodump a bit in the end notes so you can read that if you want gshg

Gordon doesn’t want to ask the question. He’s been dreading it for as long as he could think of. He doesn’t know why, he knows Tommy could probably handle it. But he doesn’t like thinking of the possibility that he’ll end up fucking up and erasing his memory or something.

It’s been a year since the Resonance Cascade, and Gordon still doesn’t know how to broach the subject that nothing is real to Tommy.

The only reason Gordon knows in the first place is because Benrey confirmed it. Apparently the alien was self-aware since his first death, being crushed by a fire door. They told Gordon that he was only being controlled by a “player” and that all his friends were just AI in a game after he’d showed up at his house a few days after their escape. Gordon had an existential crisis, Benrey panicked and no-clipped out the window, and the physicist spent the rest of the day wondering if anything was worth anything anymore. Benrey had showed up again the next day with the intent to keep Gordon from going further and further into a downward spiral, never actually left, and eventually they ended up together. Over time, they told the rest of the science team, who all took it… more or less well. But the one person they were both dreading telling was Tommy. Benrey had left Gordon on his own with that one, for some reason he didn’t say.

So there they are, two scientists playing Smash on Gordon’s couch, Benrey nowhere to be seen, and an intense feeling of dread creeping up Gordon’s spine. He can’t take it anymore, he has to say  _ something _ . He takes a deep breath to psych himself up, and forces the words out in a single breath:

“Whatifitoldyounoneofthisisreal?”

Tommy pauses the game and turns to the physicist with a look of confusion. “Did- did you say something?” Oh fun. He’s staring directly at him, yellow pupils seemingly scrutinizing every detail of his face. Gordon swallows before trying again, a little more slowly this time.

“Wh… what if I told you none of this is real?” When the last word leaves his mouth, he screws his eyes shut and tries to will himself to be anywhere but here.

“Oh, I-I already know.”

Gordon’s eyes snap open and he whirls around to stare disbelievingly at the man sitting next to him. He tries to say something, but his throat is completely dry, so all that comes out is a croak. What the fuck does he mean by that? His ears start ringing as Tommy begins to say something. The taller man talks for a while, hands moving quickly as he explains something Gordon can’t hear. The physicist has his head in his hands trying to comprehend how Tommy, the least AI-like out of all of them, knows that they live in a game that never ended. He faintly registers a hand on his shoulder and someone saying his name. He shakes his head to clear the fog in his mind and looks up to find Tommy looking at him curiously.

“Did you lis- did you hear a-anything I just said?”

Slowly, Gordon shakes his head. Tommy sighs, frowning a bit before beginning to explain again.

“I-I’m the son of-of the most powerful being in existence⏤ o-or, rather what- what we know as ex-existence. I-I found out pretty… uh, pretty early on, just-just by messing around.” As if to demonstrate something, Tommy pulls up what looks like a computer window out of nowhere. He scrolls through the one-dimensional box as if he’s done it a thousand times, finding one specific folder and pulling it out of the window with a smile. “Th-this folder holds Sunkist’s code! I had to make it a-and insert it myself, and it took a- it took a few tries, b-but eventually, I had the perfect code for the perfect dog!” He puts the folder back where it was and closes the window, turning to face a very confused Gordon.

The physicist manages to pull himself together just enough to ask, “H… how are you so calm about this?” Tommy only laughs.

“Wh-why are you so- why aren’t you?” He doesn’t say anything more, clearly waiting for an answer.

“Be… because nothing is real?” Gordon finally replies. “When Benrey told me I was just being controlled by a player, I spiralled out of control! My entire life, all my memories, everything I knew wasn’t real. Hell, I… I wasn’t even sure if Joshua was real. Everything after the game was being made up before my eyes because it didn’t  _ exist _ before now. It… it fucked me up, man…. Still does, sometimes.” He lets out a dry laugh, trying to avoid making eye contact.

Tommy sighs again, clearly thinking about what he wants to say. Gordon plays with his hair, uncomfortable in the sudden silence. He practically deflates when the taller man speaks again.

“I-I mean… it’s better to be… at least somewhat real than not at all, right?” When Gordon doesn’t say anything, he continues on. “We may be in a- in a game, but… we-we can still…  _ feel _ , y’know? Our senses still work, I-I can still touch, smell, taste, hear, and see the world around me! We… we may be lines of code on some- some computer somewhere in a game that doesn’t- never ends, but we’re still people. ‘I think, therefore I am,’ right? If-if anything, being self-aware only makes us  _ more _ real.”

Gordon furrows his eyebrows.  _ I think, therefore I am _ . He can think for himself, therefore he’s real. They’re basically living in a world that’s building itself up from the inside. It’s a small world, just lines of self-writing code, but it’s real enough. He smiles. Who cares if there’s a “real world” outside of this game?  _ This  _ world is theirs, it’s made for them. Even if there was nothing before the game, there’s something  _ now _ , and that’s all that matters.

**Author's Note:**

> OKAY SO LIKE TOMMY BEING SELF-AWARE ISN'T THAT BIG OF A STRETCH THO!!! in the full streams, he has some moments where he shows that he knows he's in a game: for example, when they first come across houndeyes (or peeper-puppies) he mentions that his "HUD says these are called houndeyes!" or something to that effect!!! i can't remember if there are more examples that i'm forgetting, but that's the one that sticks out the most to me. also like. tommy is so much smarter than the other characters give him credit for, i would Not put it past him to be the first to realize he's in a game hgskjdgjk


End file.
